Thursday, 24 June 2010

Today June 24

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WARNING......SAD POSTING


Ok now onto the 24th. Today June 24th is the 8 year anniversary of when I lost my dear Grandmother. My little girl was just 6 months old at the time and I am sad when I think she never got to really know her. I know she knows about her because I always talk about her and tell my daughter the things we did together but she will never hold her in her arms or kiss her forhead as I have done. She will never bake a cake with her or get to tell her she loves her. My gram and I were very close and losing her I not only lost a best friend but I lost a piece of myself too. I have so many wonderful memories of the things we did together. How Gram taught me to read and write and got me in trouble in school for teaching me to write my name in script. I had my sweet 16 at her house and was married from her house. 8 years ago today I said my last goodbye to her as she lay in the hospital after a horrible accident. Her whole life changed in just 1 night by taking a wrong turn out a doorway. She found herself unable to live life as she had. My gram was a very independent woman and watching her father suffer with Rhumetoid Arthritis she always said she would not be dependent on anyone. Eight years ago her wish was granted as we said our goodbyes and she was let go peacefully. I am thankful that we got to say goodbye as many people do not but until today I have not been able to let myself talk about it openly or even lose myself to a good cry. I had a beautiful little baby girl who needed me and I did not want to dampen her happiness in the world by being sad so I truged forward missing that piece of my life in silence.


I often say my daughter was my little miracle helping me through the tough times and pushing me forward. Moving to England I have finally had the time to sit and think long and hard about things. All the time I toughened up not letting the hurt show, or being able to cry....Even when losing my mom a few years later I had to be tough until now. Today I will be selfish and let myself cry and be sad. Just for today while I am here in this house alone I will do that. I was always afraid that when I did get to sit and cry I would not be able to stop.....today I cried ....for the first time in a great while. I cried until there were no more tears and my eyes were blurred but I did stop. Today is both a sad day but it is also a joyful day for I am going through photos and remembering all the good times there were. Yes I miss my gram very very much as well as mom and the others and I will cry and be sad today but tomorrow will bring a new day, a new set of memories and a new smile from my little girl. I will never let my grandmother, mom and others be forgotten. Their memories will live on in us their children, grand children and great grand children. I know my grandmother is watching over me today and will be ok that I am sad because she knows I will be ok and never forget June 24. thank you for listening, I have not been able to talk about this for a long 8 years. I will leave you with some pictures I have found.
The above picture is Gram and Belle on the floor . Inset above is Gram, Pop ad myself at my wedding and a picture of gram and pop at their wedding.
This a picture of my beautiful grandmother Edelweiss Lauxman MacKay on her wedding day.
Thank you to anyone who stops by and I am sorry this is a selfish posting. I will be back to myself tomorrow I promise. Have a good day and blessings to all.

2 comments:

Poppet said...

It was lovely hearing about your Grandma, I never knew any of my Grandparents and I really feel I missed out on something special. My children only have a Grandma (their Dad's mum, both my parents died when I was in my mid-late teens). I keep telling them to cherish her as she is someone special. I hope today also gave you some happy memories. Big hug :-) xx

Terri(TerriBoog) said...

I cried with you Angela. I am so glad you stopped by my blog - I am going to enjoy getting to know you better. And, even with the time that has passed, I'm sorry for your loss. Be happy tomorrow.